summer!

It's been awhile since I've updated, and I'm not sure why. Maybe cuz things have been going well? I guess that's not a reason to stop blogging .. I mean, that's a good thing, so why not talk about it!

The end of the semester was fine. It really picked up and I got CRAZY busy, but no major complaints. Except for the fucking B in Production Crew. WHAT THE FUCK. Like, seriously? Really? I e-mailed him asking for a breakdown of how the grading worked for the class and have yet to hear back from him. Ass. Hole.

I've been to the Poconos twice to visit Ali, which has been tons of fun. First time I went cuz her mom was retiring from her job and they wanted Ali to sing "For Good" at the dinner, and needed someone to sing with her. At this dinner I met her moms colleagues son Jake who's in the band Sandlot Heroes (check em out, they're not bad) and we hit it off. So we get home later that night and he messaged her on Facebook about me, which was very unexpected lol. Facebook led to texting which led to calling which led to me coming back to PA again to see his band play =) Needless to say, it was a fun weekend.

NACURH 2008 was one of the best experiences of my life. Number one, vacationing with 5 of your friends in the middle of nowhere is a blast, and definitely brings you closer. Number two, I am completely obsessed with RHA. I love every second of it and can't wait to go crazy with it next year.

I have 17 days left before I leave, and it definitely hasn't hit me yet about what I'm doing this summer. I'm excited, but I don't think I'm gonna be like completely 100% until I'm actually there. Idk why! I think it's just nice to be home for a little bit, and enjoy that, which I am. I missed everyone lots, and have had a good time seeing them.

I'm gonna go fix my phone, cuz its buggin. Peace.

1:11.

I'm me.

I'm here, and I have one body, and one mind that may wander but remains the same, and one soul, and one heart, and one life.

Why do we obsess over other people? I've been having such life crises recently regarding the fact that I have so much I could do for myself, and I DON'T DO IT. It makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. Here I am, at 1:10 in the morning, while all I've done all day is watch TV, be on Facebook, eat too much expensive food and go to a master class that I was required to attend. I haven't written or read anything for my mind. I haven't done anything to improve my body. These 2 things are so important for what I want to do with my life, yet I don't work on them. And I don't think it's some weird "Is this really right for me?" question. Because trust me, that's popped up in my head a lot recently, and I am confident every time that it is. But I don't do anything for myself. As Ali said, I have no self-discipline. And that's sad.

I'm me. I'm here. And no one is going to change me except for me. There's a quote from a monologue in "Night, Mother" that reads ..

"I was what was worth waiting for, and I didn't make it. Me, who might have made a difference in me ... I'm not going to show up, so there's no reason to stay."

I don't want that to be me. I'm gonna start working on myself. I need to. I have to find the strength in it. Cuz as cliche as this is, in the end, I'm all I've got.