5 days.

And its done. 5 days and its all over.

This summer went impossibly fast, and I don't know how to handle it. It feels like years ago that I got here, yet feels like no time has passed at all. I've made a lot more friends than I first figured and am excited to be back in New York to see them. I'm also excited to get back to New York to start my sophomore year, my first year as an RA, and maybe even perform in my first Pace mainstage production. I'm excited to go to IKEA and decorate my room and have my own room and bathroom for the first time in my life. I'm excited for Voice and Rep and Voice and Movement. I'm excited.

And as happy as I am to go back to the city, there's a huge reason why I would kill to stay here forever. I haven't laughed as much as I laugh with him with any other boy I've been with. I haven't been as motivated or silly or passionate or anything. He's incredible. He naps and I can't sleep. He eats and I'm not hungry.

And he doesn't want to do long distance. He doesn't want this to continue. I've completely attached myself to a time bomb, because in 5 days, he's pretty much dead to me. It's like I know this is gonna die and there's nothing I can do about it. I've been trying to keep a positive attitude, cuz if I just get pissy and mopey around him, I highly doubt that will be more motivation for him to keep this going. But every time we leave each other, I'm reminded of the fact that this will be for good in 5 days. I'm a mess. I'm a complete and utter mess and I don't think I've come to terms with what's really happening.

And I just finished Breaking Dawn. And it was beautiful. And I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Have I mentioned I'm a mess right now?