And its done. 5 days and its all over.
This summer went impossibly fast, and I don't know how to handle it. It feels like years ago that I got here, yet feels like no time has passed at all. I've made a lot more friends than I first figured and am excited to be back in New York to see them. I'm also excited to get back to New York to start my sophomore year, my first year as an RA, and maybe even perform in my first Pace mainstage production. I'm excited to go to IKEA and decorate my room and have my own room and bathroom for the first time in my life. I'm excited for Voice and Rep and Voice and Movement. I'm excited.
And as happy as I am to go back to the city, there's a huge reason why I would kill to stay here forever. I haven't laughed as much as I laugh with him with any other boy I've been with. I haven't been as motivated or silly or passionate or anything. He's incredible. He naps and I can't sleep. He eats and I'm not hungry.
And he doesn't want to do long distance. He doesn't want this to continue. I've completely attached myself to a time bomb, because in 5 days, he's pretty much dead to me. It's like I know this is gonna die and there's nothing I can do about it. I've been trying to keep a positive attitude, cuz if I just get pissy and mopey around him, I highly doubt that will be more motivation for him to keep this going. But every time we leave each other, I'm reminded of the fact that this will be for good in 5 days. I'm a mess. I'm a complete and utter mess and I don't think I've come to terms with what's really happening.
And I just finished Breaking Dawn. And it was beautiful. And I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Have I mentioned I'm a mess right now?
4 comments:
Baby... I want to hold you and be there right now. I don't know what to say to make things better... just know that I love you and miss you so much. If you want to, we can date once we are both in the same location? That could work right? I'll pretend for you ;)
I love you too much, and I know how hard this is... just know it will get better, as difficult as that is to see.
Ah girl, I'm sorry. I could tell when you visited how much you were/are into him and I can only imagine how difficult this is for you.
Also, finishing Breaking Dawn must have only added to the ruin that you are feeling.
I'm here for you and love you oodles. I also can't wait for you to come back and to start training and do all the fun RA stuff that is going to consume our lives.
I love you enormously and anytime you wanna chat it up about anything at all, I'm at your beck and call <3333
baby doll. i know things suck right now. i hear ya completely. im sorry i cant make it poof and vanish, or make it resolve suddenly. if i could, i definitely would. you know im here for you if you need to talk. it's going to be hard at first, but i promise you it'll get better. and you have mickey and i to do the mega double fuck with.
and i agree with sasha: breaking dawn probably doesnt help. i know i sobbed, and now i feel incomplete.
i love you so much, and ill be with you shortly.
I love you so much Danicah and I'm so glad you had a wonderful summer and I'm so sorry that it's ending in a not so nice way. I wish I could hug you really very hard and eat some ice cream with you, right now.
I love you and I can't wait to see you again.
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